Teach me how to love you more..

To be honest,, I cry a lot yesterday to think that I can’t be an architect like what I want to. It hard for me to force my destiny that I have a parent like them. Bukan!! Bukan aku menyesal punya orang tua kaya mereka. Cuma ngerasa bego aja, kenapa gue nggak berani ambil keputusan penting buat hidup gue sendiri. Baru sekarang gue bener bener nyesel kenapa gue dulu nggak ambil SMA aja. Kenapa gue gampang aja milih jalan hidup gue kayak milih film. Sekarang betapa nyeselnya gue jadi anak SMK,, gue ngerasa di-anak tirikan bangettt!!!!!!!!!! Kenapa sih,, WHY?????????????

Okay,, now I should to erase ITB ARCHITECTURE from my wish lish. Omg,, I really dislike my life when I getting trap in sucha this feeling. I DO REALLY WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT. REALLY!!!!!!!!!

Now I have to rearrange my plan. Maybe I was not destined to be an architect. Ya,, ya,, gue terima itu sekarang. Gue pikir,, orang pinter nyanyi nggak harus jadi penyanyi. Dan walaupun gue pikir gue bakalan hebat jadi arsitek, tapi sekarang gue ikhlas kalo takdir gue nggak jadi arsitek. Tapi gue bakal terus simpen mimpi gue ini. TUHAN, PLISS BIARIN GUE TETEP BERMIMPI JADI ARSITEK. Walaupun kenyataannya itu nggak bakal terwujud.

Dan gue pikir, nyenengin orang tua juga nggak ada salahnya. Tapi,, selama gue masih punya impian sendiri, gue bakal kejar impian gue dulu. Selama ini, gue selalu jalanin hidup gue dengan cara gue sendiri. Jadi buat keputusan ini pun gue bakal mutusin sendiri.

Sebenernya akar dari ini semua tu gara-gara gue nonton film cin(t)a. Bukan ceritanya yang bikin gue terinspirasi, tapi gara-gara setting di film itu yaitu fakultas arsitektur ITB. Hey,,, ITB!!!!!!! Gue jadi inget balik mimpi gue jadi arsitek. Terus gue jadi tambah excited buat nerusin cita-cita gue itu. Tapi,, setelah gue liat website ITB, kalo yang diterima di Sekolah Arsitek itu Cuma lulusan SMA IPA sodara-sodara!!! SMA IPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jadi gue nggak punya peluang satu persen pun buat masuk arsitektur ITB. Okay!!! Fine!!!! Deal with it!!

Jadi,, sekarang gue musti focus ke jalan lain. Hidup nggak harus jadi arsitek. Ntar kalo gue udah bisa bikin rumah sendiri, gue bakal lampiasin semua emosi arsitek gue yang nggak kesampean. Biarin sekarang gue berjalan lewat jalan lain. Mungkin jalan yang ini nggak kalah indah di banding jadi arsitek. GOODBYE MY DREAM!!! I believe, ini bukan kepasrahan. Ini pilihan gue,, dan ini final!!!!!!!! Paling nggak gue punya satu blacklist di college list gue.

Hmmmm,, is it boring to talk about my buried dreams, rite??? Dah gue juga udah cukup tegar sekarang buat ngerelain fakultas arsitektur ITB. So,, lets change the topic. Talking about school and my last final semester exam. You know what??? It’s a little bit disappointing. I mean, a lot disappointing. Not that I don’t get a high score. Its about my ability. I think, I can’t do my last exam well. I mean, it confusing. I can’t understand the subject. All the subject. So, I’ll make a short review about my last exam, okay??
Monday :
math : it just average. I got 84. Quite well, alhamdulillah..
religion : I think I luck for this one. I really don’t understand the question, but I got 76. Yes, alhamdulillah..
Indonesian : I don’t really smart for this subject. It just a bit confusing. But, I tried my best

Tuesday :
physic : I just a bit confuse on the multiple choice. But I think the essay was quite understanding..
entrepreneurship : ugkhh,, this is the worst!!!!! No comment. I’m sure I’m on the list of remedial.
Civic education : >.< I don’t care!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday :
sains : its quite good I think.. I wrong at the essay number 1. huhu.. bingung aja gue kira rantai makanan tuh sama kayak jarring-jaring makanan. Ternyata beda toh..
social : yayayaya… yang ini sih tinggal ngarang,, cerita panjang lebar. Yes good!!!
Sport : yeyeyeyeyey!!!!!!! All time cheating. Thank’s pak Iam!! Walaupun ketauan nyontek terus, tapi bapak pengawas yang baik hati!! Sungguh!!

Thursday :
Chemist : uhh,, bad!!! Yang gue pelajarin nggak ada yang keluar. Apa-apaan nih Bu Desti bikin soal.. -___________-
English : OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the hardest English test I’ve ever do. I can’t do it!!!!!!!!!!! I’m quite sure if I join the English remedial next week. too bad 
RK-6 : uhh,, Bu Yuni keterlaluan nih bikin soalnya. Susah-susah banget!!!!!!! Gue aja nyerah. Disuruh gambar gue malah corat-coret kertas soal. Ahh,, bodo!!

Friday :
RK-7 : yeyeyeyey!!!!!! I love my last exam day. It just the best day in this week. yang gue pelajarin semuanya keluar. Love it too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RK-8 : ohkay,, nice..

I think,, UAS kali ini bakalan lebih buruk dari UTS gue kemaren. But, it’s okay. Kayak yang gue bilang di my older post. SCHOOL IS ABOUT LEARNING, NOT SCORING. Gue nggak terlalu peduli gue dapet nilai berapa. Selagi gue kompeten, yang penting tuh gue understand tentang pelajaran yang mereka kasih buat gue. Karena buat gue, sekolah itu tentang pembelajaran, bukan penilaian. But gue juga nggak bisa bantai kenyataan sekarang gitu aja, karena kebanyakan, sekarang itu sekolah buat nyari nilai. Tapi buat gue, selama gue lulus, itu udah cukup. It’s enough for me.

Just remember my friend problem. Jadi ada satu temen gue yang suka nyontek, tapi nggak mau nyontekin yang lain. Jadi, setelah UAS kemaren tuh temen-temen pada nyadar kalo dia itu egois banget. Buat gue, ini masalah simple. Setiap orang kan emang selalu mentingin dirinya sendiri. Mungkin temen gue itu lagi pengen pembuktian kalo dia itu bisa dapet nilai bagus. Jadi dia berusaha dengan cara dia yaitu nyontek. Tapi kalo gue jadi dia,, aduh,, gue bakal malu berat deh,, suerrr!! Gimana enggak,, bangga dari hasil yang bukan keringatnya sendiri. Itu sama aja mamerin mobil bokap ke temen-temen. Ato pamer ke orang lain kalo dia punya sodara yang hebat. (eh, plis deh yang hebat tuh sodara lo). Jadi,, intinya kalo gue dikasih kesempatan ngomong ke dia, gue bakal bilang gini.
“lo bangga nggak kalo lo pake dress bagus yang lo pinjem dari temen lo??”
Well, it mean many thing.. you can conclude it yourself, right??

I guess I write a lot of thing now, right? Is it okay?? Okay lah ya.. gue lagi pengen cerita banyak nihh..
Okay,, so,, next topic itu tentang Pak Cahya!! I know, he’s my teacher. But I just don’t really understand, why he looked so hate me. Idk why. Maybe in his eyes, I looked soooo lazy. Yahh,, I can’t blame him. Gue selalu di kelilingi temen-temen yang dipandang mereka “nakal” jadi mungkin gue kecipratan image mereka. Tapi bisa gue pastiin kalo gue totally different from they are. Ahh,, gue paling nggak suka disamain sama orang lain. Karena (sekali lagi gue bilang kalo) selama ini gue jalanin hidup gue dengan cara gue sendiri. Gue nggak suka niru gaya orang lain. That’s not my style.

Kenapa terus kalo gue deket sama anak-anak nakal terus gue di-cap nakal juga? Gue deket-deket kambing gue dikira kambing juga? Gue ngumpul sama pecundang, gue pecundang juga???? Hey,, wake up!! Bukan gitu konsep hidup. Gue ya gue!!! Mereka ya gue nggak tau, yang pasti nggak sama kayak gue.
Mending sih kalo cuma keliatan benci yah. Nah ini,, nyuruh nyapu lah,, bawa peralatan praktek dari lantai dasar ke lantai 3 pullak. Bikin jadwal piket seenak jidat. Huh!!
Ahh,, belum lagi Pak Cahya ruin my holiday. Ahhh,,, nyebelin banget dah pokoknya. Jadi tuh kan selasa depan libur tuh. Nah,, planning gue sih mau bolos aja hari senen-nya sekalian mudik abis seminggu stuck liatin foto copy-an mulu. Rasanya udah mau mati bosen gue liatin benda hitam putih itu. (ugh!) eh,, dengan polosnya dia bikin jadwal remedial dan koreksi bersama senen depan. Kamfret deh, beneran. Udah gitu ngasih taunya pas gue udah mudik lagi. Ihh,, nyebelin total deh tuh orang. Nggak pernah apa jadi murid kayak gue?? Tau nggak sih rasanya abis exam tuh kayak apa empet-nya?? Huh??? -_____________-

Ahh,, okay.. sekarang saatnya udahan. I’m tired. Ini sebenernya bikin hari jum’at malem. Gue nyampe harus begadang ampe jam 12.30 buat nulis ini. Jadi kayaknya sekarang gue harus ….
Chaooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS!!
wish list :

Quote of mine :
Him : say that you love me!!!!!!
Me : I can’t say it. I love you with all my heart, not my mouth. I can’t say it. sorry.. I worry if it out of my mouth, it can be a lie. But my heart, it’s really deep.

I want to get away from all this harsh reality

Life is full of exam, right?? And, so do I. I’m gonna be in examination next week. Huuuuuuhh,, you can imagine how bad my next week is. :(

Talking about blog.. I’m realized that blog was a part of my life since several month ago. Blog is the only friend I totally believe in this whole world. It just like my first destination when I feel sad of something. It make me open my mind, there’s a lot thing I didn’t know yet. It just like free world where I can write anything I think about. It just like my own diary. It just like my own magazine. It just like my own biography. It was everything!!!

Now I’m realized how I getting addicted to blogging. I do even forget to go to the library cuz I got everything what I wanna read in blog. BLOG IS OPEN SOURCH KNOWLEDGE. We are share everything each other. I never think to earn money from my blog, because I blog for the reason that I like to. I like to write anything from my mind into blog and I like when people appreciate my post. Blog can immortalize my moment so that I can read this post next time when I get older. I feel enough with it.

And hmm,, let’s change the topic. I suddenly think about my school. Well, honestly I don’t really care about my score. I just feel enough when I understand about the lesson they given to me. Cuz I think that SCHOOL IS ABOUT LEARNING NOT SCORING. Feel so sad when Indonesian student is assume that school is just to get marks and diploma. I even disappointed of many student that waste their school just to look cool. HEY,, SKIP THE SCHOOL ISN’T COOL TOTALLY. You’re an IDIOT if you think like that. I life in this world to get knowledge I don’t know it before so that I can live my life in the right way. That’s what learning for. To find out what we live for.

I do realized now what my live for. I live for learn everything. It doesn’t because I’m stupid. It because knowledge is not limited. There’s no ending for learning. I swear, I don’t wanna stop study. I don’t wanna stop read. I also don’t wanna stop blogging. I do realized now how blog has changed book position on my life. Blog is just like my daily magazine.

It is not just about reading someone post,, it’s about what language they use, what word they choose, what color they pick, what picture they show in their post, it’s all trained us to think creatively. So I can say like this.
THIS IS MY BLOG.
IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT KIND OF PERSON I AM?
JUST GOES HERE TO GARTENPARADISE.BLOGSPOT.COM

ME = GARTENPARADISE